Fame, Sex & Weed – The Vape-Master Diaries

If you ask me which celebrities I met as a vape-master, I’d have to wonder about it.

I met Alex (not his real name) one night at the dispensary when he brought in a relative who was suffering from a crippling disease. Alex was a celebrity spokesman for a national health society, and quite recognizable from both TV and movies.

Now when celebrities want to relax they aren’t necessarily thinking of themselves as the person you and I see images of. We identify celebrities as ‘imaginary friends’ we’d like to know and ‘hang out’ with. It’s this image that celebrities develop as another self. Their celebrity is not who they are unless they don’t want to know you.

That night the dispensary was celebrating in the vape-lounge because a very potent strain of sativa cannabis, Zeta, had been harvested and Mick, the dispensary owner, had made a deal with the grower for exclusive rights to sell it.

When Alex wondered in the vape-lounge I offered him a fresh bag of Zeta while sharing with him my excitement over the rare taste and potency. Possible due to the sincerity of my love of the strain, Alex took the bag and took a hit. With approval he continued to puff away while I continued to praise the strain.

Before Alex finished his bag he explained that he was here for his relative, who remained in the dispensary talking with Mick. Then, with the widest grin on his face, Alex suddenly took off to be with his relative. Ten minutes later Alex came back with the vapor bag empted of its content and thanked me for my time. Then he inauspiciously left. Little did I know he would be back in a week with further to say to me (more below).

Other species have their version of fame, called mate selection, and its familiarity to humans is striking. Darwin’s final publication, “The Descent of Man,” is an attempt to explain mate selection as the cause of some pretty wacky shit, like peacock feathers and leks.

Leks are large groups of male birds fighting for territory and displaying their capabilities as mates by holding ground while attending to courtship rituals – typically a song and dance. Females sit in trees watching for days seeking out the best courting male of the lek to mate with.

When a single female breaks rank the other observant ladies join her in an all out frenzy to get lucky with a popular male. In this way females are assured of having those characteristics necessary for their son’s mating chances in the next generation. Biological fashion within mate selection is the popularity for fucking whoever you want.

Ironically, not only the most popular male but those males surrounding him tend to get laid by the females with too little patience to wait in line for the best [this explains why roadies, and not only lead guitarists, get so much action].

Alex came into the vape-room to speak with me a week later. Alex explained that he was not an experienced cannabis user and that after he left the dispensary he was so high that he had to wait an hour before he could function enough to drive.

That’s right, as a new vape-master, I erroneously gave a vape-bag of extremely potent cannabis, even for experienced users, to a well known celebrity who got so fucked-up that he had to sit in his car for an hour and be talked down by a relative before driving. Thankfully, cannabis tends to make one more cautious.

I sincerely apologized for my lack of consideration – a few times.